The Power of Focus in Relationships: Choosing to See the Best in Others

Let’s be honest—people can be frustrating.

Your spouse forgets something important.
Your child rolls their eyes.
Your friend cancels plans again.
Your coworker drops the ball on a big project.

And in that moment, you feel it—that little spark of irritation, that sigh of disappointment, that whisper in your mind that says, Here we go again.

And then something happens.

Your brain starts pulling up a highlight reel of all their past mistakes—the forgotten anniversaries, the snarky comments, the late arrivals, the letdowns, the times they didn’t show up the way you needed them to.

And suddenly, you’re not just upset about this one thing—you’re upset about all the things.

Why?

Because your brain magnifies what you focus on.

This isn’t just a spiritual truth—it’s a neurological one.

Your brain is designed to filter through the endless noise of daily life and highlight what it believes is important. This is called the Reticular Activating System (RAS)—a network of neurons in your brainstem that acts like a mental gatekeeper.

If you tell your mind, “This is a big deal,” it will start scanning for evidence to back that up.

• If you focus on pain, it amplifies.
• If you focus on offense, it deepens.
• If you focus on fear, it expands.

And if you focus on people’s flaws, you will find more of them.

That’s why Paul tells us in Colossians 3:2,
“Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.”

Because whatever you set your mind on—good or bad—will shape your reality.

Jesus was surrounded by people with flaws.

Peter? Hot-headed, impulsive, full of doubt.
Matthew? A tax collector—literally working for the enemy.
Thomas? Always questioning.
Judas? A betrayer.

But Jesus never defined them by their weaknesses.

Instead, He called out who they could be.

• He called Peter a rock before he had any stability (Matthew 16:18).
• He called Matthew into discipleship when others only saw a traitor (Matthew 9:9).
• He saw potential in the broken.
• He saw strength in the weak.
• He saw redemption where others saw rejection.

And here’s the real kicker—He calls us to do the same.

The Bible is clear: “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

But what do we do?

We replay the conversations.
We dissect the words.
We hold onto the offense.

And before we know it, our relationships are strained—not because of what actually happened, but because of the mental list of faults we’ve been tallying up.

But love doesn’t do that. Love covers.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

Love makes the intentional choice to see the good in people.

Because if you spend your life looking for reasons to be upset with someone, you’ll find them.
But if you start looking for the gold, you’ll find that too.

Think about this:

Jesus had every reason to focus on the betrayal, the suffering, the injustice.
He could have replayed every moment of His disciples failing Him.
He could have let His mind dwell on the pain.

But what does Hebrews 12:2 say?

“For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.”

He looked beyond the pain and saw:

• Our redemption.
• Our healing.
• The billions of sons and daughters who would be saved.

He endured because He focused on the promise, not the problem.

And that is exactly what we’re called to do.

Whatever you zoom in on becomes your reality.

If you focus on someone’s weaknesses, those weaknesses will feel bigger than they actually are.
But if you focus on their strengths—their growth, their heart, their potential—you will begin to call that out of them.

Think about your relationships:

• Your spouse.
• Your children.
• Your family.
• Your friends.

What are you focusing on?
Are you keeping a record of wrongs or covering with love?
Are you magnifying the problem or magnifying the solution?

Because one leads to division, and the other leads to peace.

And at the end of the day, your focus is your choice.

So, what will you choose to see?